


This Is Just the Way It Is

by Unicornsfartglitter



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Abuse not cegan, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Carl's seventeen, Child Death, Christmas celebration, Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt, Language, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Not always pretty, Prostitution, Rimming, about to be eighteen, but it has plenty of fluff, rich Negan, underage Carl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 10:19:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unicornsfartglitter/pseuds/Unicornsfartglitter
Summary: Carl is used to being a prostitute, it's just the way it is. When a rich client Negan comes his way he finds out kindness still exists.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first cegan, a plot came my way.

It was just another dark and cold night. The cool air seeping into thin clothes and chilling Carl to the bone. Maybe he would find someone to keep him warm overnight. He didn't want to spend another night in a cardboard box now his home. He lit up a cigarette to warn his chilled lungs and thought back to what he once had. A nice house, home cooked dinners, and two loving parents who hugged and kissed him goodnight each night as they tucked him in.

“How much?” Some douchebag yelled out breaking up his haze of gentle memories. “Twenty for an hour, eighty for the night.” Of gosh did he hope it would be the night. “Well get in and we will see where it goes.” Carl ran to the car and sighed at the heat inside. A palm ran up his thigh and he put on his best grin. “Buckle up cowboy, we got a wild night ahead of us.” He claimed seductively and gave a pouty wink.

There was no talking as he was pushed against the wall of a modest hotel room. It wasn't the usual hooker hotel with stains littering every surface. He was pushed back to the wall again harsher this time, his nipples pinched hard and nails raking up his stomach cruelty. “Hold on, if your rough price goes up $40 an hour.” Too wet kisses pecked at his neck. “Fine by me.” The dbag said and thrust against him meanly. “What about kissing?” The man that he now noticed wore a ring asked. They were usually free but he didn't have to know. “Fifteen extra.” The man grinned and lapped at his tongue, sloppy and unskilled kisses. Carl liked to think that this man's wife was cheating too, finding a man who actually knew how to handle her.

As he was pushed against, hands bruising him, scratching tiny dribbles of blood into his flesh he knew it would be a lousy lay but it didn't matter. He just needed cash, just survive somehow was his motto now, stolen from his friend Enid who experienced his same turmoil each day. His ass ached as the married man plowed into him taking without giving. Carl didn't really care for the ones who took care of his needs anyway, it was still selfish. A game for them to get off on by seeing if they could make him moan out in delight.

Still this dbag didn't hurt as bad as some, his abusing pinches and scratches didn't led up to the pain he expected. The man also lasted longer than he thought, a whole two hours before he marked him, releasing his load on Carl's stomach and demanding him clean it away with his tongue. “An extra twenty.” He spoke hungrily and got a nod before tasting the bitter seed and cleaning it off with slow gathering fingers. Make it look pretty he chanted, smiling as he tasted another gross mouthful.

He tried to persuade for another romp, shook his ass, winked playfully. He needed a warm bed, he needed to stay with a man he already knew what depths he was capable of. The future clients of the night a threat, more aggressive or even into choking or the fear of meeting one who actually wanted to kill always a lingering concern in his mind. “I'm done for the night beautiful but I know where to find you.” Carl faked a smile and let the dbag drive him back to a cold and unknown night.  
\------------------------------------------- 

The previous night ended up not being too bad, two more clients left little time to freeze and he ended up with only one large and painful bruise upon his ribs. The last man was cruel and fucked into him, immediately relishing in his cries of despair. Still he expected broken bones, harder hits, the best part was his face didn't get any trauma, that was his selling point. “It's too slow a night.” Enid complained and pulled the thin jacket closer to her chest and Carl nodded in agreement. It was approaching 11 pm and he only had two drive ups and no takers.

2 am and Enid had curled up to him for warmth and then a car honked finally choosing her for the night. Carl coughed, the nagging soreness of his throat finally needing relief and he rubbed at numbed arms trying to increase their blood flow. A shiny black Mercedes-benz convertible drove up screaming of money and the girls ran up pumping out their chests and rubbing down their bodies. Then few men gave a seductive smirk and put hands to their buckles gazing into dark tinted windows.

A window rolled down and one girl gasped, her easy tell that she found the man actually attractive and sunglasses pointed at the direction of each potential suitor. A gloved hand pointed back at him and Carl looked shunned, he wasn't advertising like the rest and maybe that was why he was beckoned forward. The potential client stared as he came up to the car. “Hey.” Carl grinned then bit on his bottom lip. “Trying to stay warm for the night?” He questioned and raked a hand through his growing hair and licked at his top lip.

A smile that for once made him weak in the knees emerged and the man opened the door. Inside it was warm and the scent of a new car invaded his nostrils. The car was in pristine condition and he touched at a well oiled dashboard. “You look pretty and different from the rest.” A deep voice serenaded. “Hmm I don't get that a lot.” Carl said. “So I don't know what you're looking for but I can name prices.” The man scoffed and turned up the heat like he could tell Carl was freezing. “I don't need a listing, I'm good for it.” Carl had no doubt as the man was rich.

The hotel was ritzy and he immediately felt out of place. He covered himself insecurely with his jacket as the rich man actually paid for a booked room. “It's okay.” He was reassured as he went up a clear and lighted elevator. “A little hint. Keeping dirty secrets an actual secret is a good idea.” Carl suggested. A hearty and beautiful chuckle escaped thick lips. “Lets just say I'm rich enough people would be scared to tell my secrets. My lawyers would ruin them.” Carl gulped at the rich man's conviction.

Carl suppressed a contented sigh at a warm room. It was ritzy alright, no stain or stench threatening his senses. “So what you want first?” Carl asked and went to pull off his jacket. “Whoah cool the jets there. We got time.” Damn, that sounded nice to Carl. “What's your name?” The man asked. “Carl.” He answered easily. “What's yours or rather what do you want to be called?” The man laughed again hard. “What do men usually say? Spanky pants? Master? Sir I fuck a lot?” Carl giggled at the man's humor. “Justin, Tom, Michael. You know common and easy to remember names.” Carl answered honestly. “Well I'm Negan and that's my real name.” Carl's eyebrows shot up because he knew it was true.

Negan took off his expensive watch, something most didn't trust to do in front of him then his fitted leather jacket and his shoes and socks. When Negan went for his jeans Carl started to pull up on the bottom hem of his shirt. “Easy tiger.” Negan ordered and inspected his body up and down. “Just the jeans. Leave everything else on.” Carl complied seeing Negan undressed the same. He had his shirt and boxers on and settled his back into the mattress. Negan still stared at his lithe but mostly clothed body but made the “come here” motion with his hands. Carl stopped at the edge of the bed. “Well get in.” Negsn instructed.

Carl climbed in and a possessive and large tanned hand curled around him. A head turned and inhaled the scent of his hair. “Let's just lay here awhile.” Carl curled in closer and wasn't chastised. Then he wrapped around a warm leg and and sighed against overheated flesh. He had never felt so warm, soft sheets were felt underneath him as he touched them and closed his eyes. “Good morning.” A strong voice greeted and Carl peeked open sleepy eyes to a rich and good looking man. “I think we slept too well.” He spoke and popped his neck and Carl stared up at a chipper man. “Let's get you breakfast.” Negan spoke again and Carl's eyes bulged awake.

A hotel notebook was gathered and before he could protest two plates ordered. “I don't need that and I can't afford it.” Carl sassed now but Negan grinned at patted at his long hair, pulling it affect affectionately in different directions. “Don't worry, I'm paying. Go take a shower.” Carl didn't know what to say so he went to the bathroom. As steam filled up the shower he sighed. Negan wasn't mean, didn't wear a wedding ring, and didn't even fuck him. He was kind and it didn't make sense. Carl eyed the nice trial size bottles of shampoo and body wash and opened the cap on Negan's own purchased bottles. He took a whiff and started to wash with them. 

For once Carl felt actual clean and turned up his nose as he put on his dirty clothes, liking the new scent of his skin. He threw the small bottles into his pocket along with an unopened soap bar and walked out. Negan was still wearing his night ensemble as he punched away at a phone. He pointed to the empty chair across from him and opened an actual metal dome to reveal a tasty meal. “Dig in kid.” Carl’s stomach gurgled and he ate fast, the food too fresh and hot not to. It actually had bold flavors and he moaned as he sipped actual fresh squeezed orange juice. “Slow down kid, it's not going anywhere.”

“Sorry.” Carl flushed pink and wiped at his lips. “No I just don't want you getting indigestion.” Negan smiled friendly and Carl felt like goo. “How old are you?” He thought of lying at Negan's question, no one had ever asked but somehow that felt wrong with the too kind man. “Seventeen, eighteen in two months.” He answered honestly. “Is that true?” Negan played with a grape with his fork. “Yeah I really turn eighteen in two months. No point in lying.” Carl answered then ate a mouthful of egg. “Huh.” Negan huffed out. He didn't doubt the eighteen statement as much as thr seventeen, Carl looked younger. Negan was looking for a cuddle, no sex anyway last night but he was relieved to find Carl was older, he felt less like a creep.

“How long you been at this?” Negan inquired. Carl dropped his fork and stared at his lap to mumble. “Since I was twelve.” And yep, Negan was a creep. Carl didn't embarrass for long as he smelled the food enticing him and he went back to eating. “How did you get here?” Carl cringed at the question, boldness overtaking him now. “What? Writing a fucking biography? You a journalist?” He spat out with anger. “Shit kid. I'm sorry, I didn't mean any harm. Just tell me to shut up if I'm getting too personal.” Carl sipped at his orange juice thinking of his dad. “I don't need any sympathy and I'm not a kid. Been by myself most of my life.” Negan sighed and stabbed at his food. “I have no doubt Carl. It looks like you're doing good.”

Carl finished off his whole plate with no more talking from Negan. He didn't correct Negan when he got an extra one hundred bucks and he didn't smile when at his persistent cough Negan gave him a cough drop. He didn't feel a thing when Negan told him “take care kid.” No warm pang spread through his chest when Negan shoved a package of cough drops into his hand as he opened the passenger door as he stayed seated inside. “Kid.” He didn't smirk at the name as Negan opened his glove box and handed him a bottle of ibuprofen just in case because he had heard that cough all night. He didn't look longingly at a black car as it drove away. Those steps back to his job weren't difficult at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I liked this chapter but when proofreading it felt something was off?
> 
> At the same time this fic is writing it's self much like my Negan/Shane one. I got much plot ahead.

Tell me how it was? Was he good in bed?” Enid asked. “We didn't fuck.” She combed her fingers through her hair and looked at him challengingly. “We didn't!” Carl reiterated. “Maybe he needs some viagra.” Carl scoffed, thinking that wasn't the problem. “I don't know we stripped down to our jeans and laid in bed. I slept, woke up and he let me shower and fed me. Then he asked about my past and that was it.” Enid shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe he's a journalist.” Carl laughed at his own accusation towards Negan last night. “What's it matter? He's history.” Carl said with finality.

It was another cold night and as usual Enid kept being plucked up as Carl stood waiting. At some point he got tired of the cold and snatched out his beaten photo of his parents. Dad would be so proud. Mom would be in such denial but it didn't matter. A white car honked and Carl grimaced, it was cold and he needed to make money. “Maybe you should sit it out.” Andrea was like a mother bear and all that worked this strip knew Dwight. He was a beater and he loved to take his self loathing out on guys, a major closet case was what he was. “I got this.” Carl reassured.

“Hey Carl, you're my favorite. Hope in.” He smelled the stale cigarettes and alcohol on his breath and buckled up. It was going to be a long night. Dwight bitched about his ex wife then his mother, Carl rolled his eyes figuring she was where most of Dwight's problems stemmed from. Musty stink lapped at his mouth and pushy hands down his shirt. Just survive somehow flashed across his mind and he closed his eyes imagining what life could be, what it once was. 

“Thanks for the fun.” Dwight winked at him then threw money into his lap. “Now get out punk, see you next week.” Carl opened the door with his left hand, his right arm too tender. “You should have stayed here.” Andrea shook her head sadly and touched at his split lip. “It's fine, he was nicer than usual. She looked at his left hand holding his right close to his chest. “You shouldn't take such gambles.” Carl walked to the other end of the street. “Beggars can't be choosy. You got more options.” Carl spat out. For every one potential client her got women got five and that also was just the way it was.

Carl grinned when a silver car drove up. Philip Blake. He liked to be called “The Governor” in bed, Carl figured it had something to do with his seedy political past. He was rich but kind, at least with him. The women said he could be violating in his groping and verbally abusive, sometimes starting a deprecating tirade on them before speaking ill of some nemesis named Merle. With Carl though he was sweet, he cuddled after sex and bought him things here and there, never much but it was something. He was bisexual but other than Martinez Carl was his only male suitor. Andrea always spoke of him like a rock legend, she was his favorite and he also treated her well.

“Come on sugar.” He scoffed at the name but got in, smiling at Phillip’s strong southern accent. “What have you been up to?” Carl splayed out his legs and got comfortable in the passenger seat before answering. “Making money of course.” Philip turned a sharp corner and whipped into the other lane laughing as Carl shrieked. Phillip brought him to their usual hotel, not grimy but not the best either. He hooped and hollered as Philip undressed in a strip tease and pulled his belt buckle behind his head to bring Carl in for a kiss. It was nice to forget all his worries and Philip was always fun. 

After two romps Philip was tired. “I'll give you an extra $40 if you find your own way home?” Philip asked coyly, it was the one term Carl always had. Drive me back to work, the city was dangerous enough without being a prostitute, people could tell a mile away and it made you a target. Forty dollars sounded nice though so he sighed. “Yeah, Governor, that sounds fine.” Philip turned in bed revealing his nice firm ass and opened his wallet, Carl reached out for the bills only for Philip to yank his hand back playfully. When Carl went to reach out again Philip pulled back once more but his smile faded as Carl gasped in pain. “What's wrong?” He asked and Carl rubbed at his soreness. “Just a guy got rough.” Phillip winced. “Be more careful.” It's all that we said as he pulled open his wallet and gave Carl another twenty bucks because that was what sympathy was in this environment. A nicer kind of client shelling out some cash.

Another kiss and Carl walked out twenty dollars richer if that was something to brag about. He shuddered at the cold, Christmas would be here soon and that meant nothing. Most times business slowed down but sometimes he could find a lonely client to fill his holidays with shelter and food. “Carl!” Enid snapped him out of his daze and he walked up, she looked up at his lip then avoided mentioning it. “I did good tonight, my regular felt charitable. Starbucks?” That was their thing, if one got extra cash they would make a small splurge for the other.

They discussed their nights and she inspected his arm, that was also something they did for one another. Enid a had her fair share of bruises with the job too. He watched her brush some hair back behind her ear and damn if she looked so innocent. In another world maybe they could have been something but here they had no time for relationships, were too broken to function that way, and he was gay. Enid seemed young but she was twenty two and only two years ago Carl was the one to take her under his wing and make sure she was being safe as possible. Naturally she now made more money than him.

The two walked back to their spots sipping their coffees. Enid could risk avoiding work the rest of the night but Carl couldn't, he hugged himself tight and stared out. After two hours and no bites Enid decided to call it a night. Carl wanted to also, his cough getting worse in the dropping temperatures. He felt his arm throb and remembered Negan's ibuprofen and swallowed it dry. He smiled thinking of how the man was so kind then pouted because maybe if they had more time he would have seen it was his just a fairytale lie. Philip was real, a halfway concerned man that threw him cash when he felt he needed it.

A black car stopped but Carl didn't look up From his peripheral, it wasn't him. A crowd gathered and Carl still refused to see if it was true. There was honking and commotion and still he looked down. Hushed whispering and more strutting up to the car took place. Andrea touched his shoulder and he flinched in surprise. “Your guy gave me twenty bucks just to tell you to look his way. If you don't maybe I can make twenty more.” She winked but it was too late, he looked up and saw the crowd clear so Negan could wave, a grin on him ear to ear. “Come on. What you waiting for? A gold invitation?” Negan yelled. Carl felt like a prom king, everyone was staring and whispering, he felt faint and numb but still his feet glided over concrete even as his mind screamed no.

“Hey let's go.” Negan's deep voice instructed and Carl flushed at the steady whispering behind him but he got in anyway. He didn't talk during the drive, his thoughts a messy swirl of uneasiness. Would Negan hurt him? Why were they heading a different path than last night? Why wasn't Negan trying to talk to him right now? Carl looked up when the stopped, their destination ended up being at the hotel married dbag took him too. “I uh saw you didn't like that swanky place we stayed last night. Thought I would aim for less is more.” Carl's eyebrows shot uP. Less is more? When did anybody care about what he wanted period? “Come on.” Negan barked.

Carl coughed as he got out of the car and they walked right up right to room number twelve. Carl laughed then started to cough again as Negan looked over. He didn't bother explaining that number twelve was his lucky number. Negan opened the door for him and once again he felt shock over the action. He was a piece of meat, no one treated him right. “Not too shabby.” Negan said and unzipped his leather jacket. Carl held his hand at his side, not sure what Negan wanted him to do. Negan went and turned on the heater then sat on the bed to untie his shoes. “Well take your jeans off.” He pulled them down when Negan said that then went for his boxers.

“Stop.” Carl froze. “Damn kid you always try to get down to business. I know you're young but your recovery time must be an A+.” At one time Carl would blush at that but not now. “Yeah it is.” He played with the band of his boxers, stating at Negan in want, his best longing face becoming a pout. Negan shook his head. “Damn. I'm surprised nobody scooped you up tonight with looks like that. And great acting.” Negan added. Carl took a step back. “Acting?” Negan let out an amused chuckle. “Me? I'm fucking hot! Maybe those looks are real for me but come on. Fat middle aged balding men? They get those looks too right?” Carl stared at the sexy man in front of him who he now knew had an affinity for cursing and calling people out on the the truth.

“True,” Carl shrugged and Negan laughed again but he got up and touched his cheek. “You're so pretty. There should be more for you in this life.” Carl pulled his hand away and laughed. “I see you're full of buckshit acting yourself.” Negsn only frowned at that making Carl secretly question why. “Well we are doing nothing more than last night so get comfortable.” Negan's voice sounded strange and sad? Carl crawled in the bed and shrieked when Negan wrapped a tight around him and pulled him in.

Carl felt warm and safe that night. No bad dreams or fear when he woke a moment from his slumber. Negan's palm was under his side cocooning him in warmth and for the first time in a long time he dreamed of his parents, of Judith, and the once simpler life he had. Negan too slept sounder and was able to chase his demons away. Not once waking up in a sweaty daze of guilt. He did get less sleep than Carl though, the others coughs deep, persistent, and wet sounding. He pulled off of Carl slowly and dressed leaving the sleeping teen alone.

Carl coughed himself awake and heard a shower running. He groaned feeling sick and a little weak, opening an eye he saw cough syrup staring him in the face along with a note saying to take it so he opened the cap and drank it straight from the bottle already feeling a little better. “Hey handsome.” Negan had opened the door, steam gathered behind him. Wearing a white fluffy robe, Carl could still see the speckling of gray chest hair and fit body peeking through. “Hey.” Negan spoke lowly.

Negan rested against the headboard and switched on the tv, Carl got the clue. “I better get going.” He rasped through a hoarse throat but Negan patted his bare knee. “Not in that.” Then he pointed to the window and when Carl looked he saw snow. “Better just relax Carl. I doubt you have somewhere warm to stay.” Carl felt defensive and cut his eyes at Negan. “So I'm just supposed to stay here with you?” Negan shrugged and turned down the volume on the tv. “Why not?”

Carl sat down in a chair convinced Negan didn't want him there. He watched as Negan turned up the tv and tuned him out. Anger festered and boiled. About how Negan didn't want to fuck him which made him confused. Over Negan's silence, over his whole shitty life that had brought him here. At some point in his silent rage Negan had gotten dressed and now was cowering over him. Carl felt anger over not realizing how stupidly tall Negan was. “Order whatever you want.” Carl looked up at him scowling and Negan added to his comment. “It's on me.” 

The bacon cheeseburger was perfect and so were the fries and he rolled his eyes at Negan's healthy Caesar salad. “Why don't you want to fuck?” Carl finally asked through a mouthful of burger and he paused when Negan wiped at his face, it felt kind of sweet which made Carl feel strange. “Why did you sit in a chair and hate watch me all morning?” Negan countered and Carl talked with his mouth full. “I did not.” Negan shook his head though he was smiling. “Don't talk with your mouth full and you totally did.”

Carl chewed his food quickly then leaned back. “You didn't have anything to say.” Negan imitated his lean back and smirked. “You didn't speak to me either.” Carl had enough and groaned. “Stop playing around.” He felt so confused and his feelings were changing by each moment with the man. Negan noticed the teens frustration and talked slow but dominant. “Look I wasn't looking for sex last night anyway and when I found out you were seventeen it was off the table.” Carl didn't get that. “Seventeens legal here.” Carl explained.

Negan stood up and came over to Carl. “Doesn't matter. Prostitution isn't and it stop doesn't make it right.” Carl rose up and cupped Negan's face. “What if I wanted it?” Negan sighed then looked into Carl's beautiful blues. “Still not right and like I said I wasn't wanting much, just a warm body by mine. I guess I'm messed up.” Carl smiled and gave Negan a hug, feeling relaxed against him and it had been so long since he had just an innocent hug. “Well you got company. I'm messed up to.” Negan squeezed him harder wanting more contact but Carl hissed and pulled back.

“What's wrong Carl?” Carl rubbed his shoulder and smiled. “Nothing.” Negan came closer and pulled his massaging hand away. “Not nothing. Let me see.” He didn't have anything to hide but didn't see why it mattered and Negan gasped as he pulled up his shirt to reveal littering bite marks and bruises. Part of his shoulder was swirled in a deep purple and he had already forgotten the bruised ribs until he looked down. “Carl that's terrible.” It was sincere and anguished, a concern no one had shown Carl since his parents and he schooled his features in neutral. “It doesn't matter. They pay extra to do it.” But his blank face turned a little sad when Negan spoke up. “It doesn't matter, it's wrong.” Wrong. That one word sounded punctuated and loud in the hotel room though Negan hadn't raised his voice at all. They stared at each other thoughts and emotions swirling but neither dared to say a word.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: child death 
> 
> A little revelation.

"Come here.” Negan's voice cut through a silent room and heavy thoughts. What Carl once thought was okay he now didn't know. He silently walked up to Negan and the other pat the bed. “Lets loosen you up.” He automatically grimaced and Negan rubbed his hands together to warm them up. “Your shoulder I mean.” Carl laid down and wondered where all the sudden this fear of having sex with Negan, more like the fear of being used up came from.

“Lucky you and bad for me that I keep this around for my own bad back.” Cool gel hit his back and was spread down working out every knot that wasn't his shoulder. It felt so good and he moaned out but those hands never stopped massaging evenly on his skin. “This will hurt more. Tell me if I need to stop.” Negan stated. The first drop of cold gel felt good and it was barely uncomfortable but as it spread up and over to the core of his pain he yelped. “Shh. I'm sorry.” Negan's whispered, his hands kept up at the massaging and he moaned out at the white hot pain and pleasure submerged upon his muscles.

Carl bit down on the sheets through the worse of it and Negan pat the dip of his back, he wished the friendly pat was lower. “Turn around.” Negan hadn't straddled him but instead massaged him from his side and he took his time rolling over finding the extreme pain he had been doing when rolling over was a numb throb now. He hissed at gelled hands rubbing his sore rib but breathed in through it and found it too felt better moments later. His shoulder got the same treatment and he sleepily stared at Negan who had decided to rub down his healthy ribs, maybe as a guarantee that they were soothed of any potential pain.

“When's the last time you got a rub down?” Negan's playful smirk returned and he glanced quickly down at Carl's semi interested dick. “Never a massage, rarely the other.” Carl let the truth flow out and Negan pouted. “You've never had a massage?” Carl stared through sleep slitted eyes. “Kids don't need them and the last time anyone gave a shit I was twelve.” He saw sadness on Negan's face. It wasn't the same look as from Philip or Andrea, it was different. Disturbed but a more gentle and effected look. A look maybe his dad would have given him, he couldn't quite remember dad's sad face but he felt it might be like this. “Don't look at me like that.” It was a beg he didn't intend to say paired with moist eyes but as he closed his eyes sleepily he saw Negan's features change to indifference but it appeared fake.

Negan knew it was wrong but he was seeing Carl as someone who deserved better and that meant curiosity. Carl only had the clothes he wore and a bookbag in the room so he rifled through. He found cash and a blanket along with some snacks and his ibuprofen. Nothing to tell him Carl's story that he felt was twisted. He laughed quietly not to wake Carl. Of course Carl had daddy issues or deeper seeded issues. Look at his profession. He found a yellow stained business card to a foster care in Georgia and that didn't shock him much. Carl was indeed southern, his accent thick. The jeans resulted in a stick of half used chapstick and in the other pocket he discovered his second clue.

He stared at the image of an attractive man with Carl's eyes and short curly hair. He had Carl's grin and then looked down at one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen next to the man, a cute baby held against them. He turned it around, writing on the back only revealed “Judith six months.” In thick handwriting, it made him sick, this was Carl's family and he didn't know if he really wanted an answer to his mystery anymore.

Carl came awake to a muted tv lighting up the room. “Hey.” Negan bellowed and looked at Carl. “Sorry I slept.” Megan shrugged. “It was fine, you Needed it.” He sat on the couch and leaned into Negan. When he rested his head against firm shoulders Negan didn't push him away. “Is it still snowing?” Carl hoped that it was so he could stay. “Yeah it's pretty bad. Stay the night, I'm good for it.” Carl giggled, knowing he was and felt relieved that he would be safe and warm tonight, he hoped Enid was too. Little did he know outside it was a dark blanket of snow but no more was falling and he could have left safely.

After a full belly and two comedy movies Carl laid in the bed and smiled when Negan laid against his back. He touched Carl's sore shoulder gingerly. “How's it feel?” It was still sore but much better. “It's good enough.” Carl opted to leave his shirt off and Negan stared at his defined back splashed with a liter of small but noticeable scars. He could see some were burns and he touched one, Carl unaware it was an inspecting touch leaned back into it still feeling comforted. “Whoever did this Carl, don't go back to him.” Carl closed his eyes, not liking what was done to him but not appreciating Negan's order either.

“I have to make money and it's not your concern.” Negan held him tighter and whispered in his ear making him shudder. “I know you're not mine but I don't like it Carl. I'll pay his end if you stay away, I want you to grow up.” Part of Carl couldn't help but think did he want that? Living old in this life all alone. “Come to me every night. Here. I'll take care of you.” Carl laughed bitterly. “I'm a dirty whore. Why would you do that?” Negsn shushed him with a light kiss on his shoulder. “You deserve better. You've been surviving Carl and that's okay but I'll help you now.” Carl wrestled with his mind long after Negan feel asleep. Just survive somehow echoing in his ears.

_Carl opened his eyes to screaming and crying. He ran down to Judith's room to find her face down on the dirty floor. She was gurgling and had a head wound, her blood coating the floor and his hands. He held her close with slippery hands. “It's okay Judith, hold on.” He rushed to a phone and found it was dead. No surprise there as he ran down to hall to see the devil sipping on a beer casually. “What did you do?” He screamed and ran out the door. His blood covered hands painted the neighbors white glossy door red as he pounded against it, demanding to be let it. When the door opened he ran past a frail woman to get to her phone and call 911 but in the middle of speaking calmly to the dispatcher he dropped the phone and collapsed to his knees onto the hardwood floor only to let out an anguished sob, he heard Judith's last gasping breath against his ear and she was now gone. Carl was all alone._

Carl gasped awake and coughed as he rocked himself. “Carl?” Gentle hands touched his shoulder and he cried. “Carl.” He was swept into a bone crushing hug, it should have been suppressing but it was like he could breath again. “Come here.” Negan pressed him against his firm body and Carl had to let out his thoughts. “I'm all alone.” His thick tears fell on Negan's shirt but it didn't matter and his hair was combed with tender fingers. “I am too Carl but I'm here. I'm listening.” It made Carl cry harder, no words were left to mutter with his now sore throat.

It seemed he cried for hours but it seemed okay with Negan who allowed his salty tears to shed on him. “Life sucks.” Carl laughed because it was true and he pulled back to look at Negan. Gosh, he was beautiful with a bedhead and sleep hazed eyes. “Are you married?” Negan huffed at the teens random question in that middle of crying. “No, I was at one time. Why?” Carl pressed a hand under his shirt to feel the solid flesh of Negan. “You're too pretty not to be.” Negan laughed again and held him tighter. “We all have our demons. I'm an ass Carl but I'm no cheater.” 

Carl leaned in for a kiss and when their tongues collided it felt like relief. It was perfect and chaste, not rough and abusing like usual. It just felt right. Negan pulled off just as Carl tried to deepen their kiss. ”Damn your a good kisser but let's pull in the reigns.” Carl felt insecure thinking he did some wrong but Negan pressed him closer to him and kissed his forehead. “You've had a bad night, let's just take it slow and make sure we have no regrets.” Carl fell asleep quickly this time while now Negan had roaring thoughts in his head, if there was someone who did Carl wrong he was going to find him and make him pay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how much longer this is going to be but we're quickly approaching the big revelation.

When Negan woke up Carl was gone, that's what he got for putting the money out but he left a note. He would come back and thanked him for the extra hundred. Negan ran a thumb over Carl's scribble but was pleased that it held proper grammar and spelling though his education most likely stopped at age 12. He shook his head, he felt Carl had lost everyone and he had too and that alone made him feel connected to the teen, he touched his lips where Carl had kissed him. He should have stopped it but it felt right in that moment.

Negan went back to his home and called his maid in to tidy up a spare room. He wanted Carl to come to his house and be given the option to sleep alone, be free im his decisions. He already knew he was falling hard and he looked at the calendar. Six weeks and Carl would be eighteen but that didn't mean they would have sex. Negan wanted it on Carl's terms. He wanted him to be able to get a decent job or go to college, he wished for him to excel over the choice of having him in his bed. “That's what love is.” Lucille’s words rang heavy in his head, a saying she told him most times after his ruthless business tactics changed with her presence. As he straightened the corner of the sheets on the bed his mind never supplied him with the fact that remorse never hit his heart this time at her memory. 

Carl tapped on the metal door and Enid came out with a smile as a greeting. Carl grinned back knowing she had a good night as well, her glow a tell. She talked about her favorite client taking her to dinner and bowling and paying for her the whole night and they only had sex once, he was an older gentleman but sweet and charming. Carl told of Negan and he suppressed his joy when Enid corrected him that the snow had stopped falling during his stay. She hugged him tight when he told her about his flashback, she knew his past and then they talked shit about Shane. He was once Carl's uncle but now he hated him.

Enid held his hand and they walked on the train tracks giggling when they made the other fall off. “You think he will get it? When he finds out about your past?” Carl pushed his lips out and grunted. Though Negan didn't know what disturbed him that might he didn't think he would find out the whole truth. “He'd just a client like your Rich. He will fuck me good when I turn eighteen and then stay to spoil me or run off.” Enid didn't look back but squeezed his hand, already knowing it was a lie. Rich was a nice guy that screwed her at every chance. But to have a rich man coddle you and not fuck you once meant more. Negan wasn't waiting six weeks for a fuck, he was waiting six weeks for decency. “Whatever to say Carl.” She sing songed with finality.

That night Enid got in the car with Rich and Carl felt better going to Negan's snuggly hotel. “Hey babe.” Negan laughed at Carl's blush and opened the door wider. “I say we rub down that shoulder of yours and then we go watch a movie. Your pick.” Carl stared at Negan like he had two heads. Movie watching was not something prostitutes were paid to do let alone pick out. “Do you not like movies?” Negan's face fell and Carl grinned. “I'm behind in the times. You pick, no horror and no part two’s because you know I haven't seen the first.” Negan smiled again and it made Carl happy. “Sure thing. Now take off that shirt.” Negan already started to lather his hands in gel.

Carl's mouth wetted at the relief he would soon get so he took his shirt off to lay back in the bed. Negan kneaded him with strong hands that almost hurt but didn't. “Did you stay away from the sleazebag that did this?” Carl grunted. “Yes.” Negan worked each muscle out, the heated gel taking his pain away. “Turn around,” when he did so Negan was inspecting all the scars upon his body as he massaged away each weary ache. “Do you want to talk about your dream?” Carl started to breath in shallowly and looked away but Negan rubbed at his neck. “Breath. You don't have to. I'm here to listen when you're ready,” Carl stayed silent.

When the massaging was done Carl laid in bed awhile just being lazy and wished everyday could be this easy. “I want you to come to my house tomorrow to stay overnight. Any room you want is yours.” Carl gasped. “This is my life.” Negan shook his hair. “I'm not giving orders Carl. You do what you want, just know you have a room. Now let's go,” 

The movie ended up being a comedy and Carl hadn't laughed so much in a long time. Negan's hands grazed his knuckles and after some space they came back to him. Carl felt a nervous wave of giddiness overwhelm his senses and taking in a deep breath he turned his palm up and took his hand. It felt good getting out and being carefree but he also decided being with Negan all alone would be fine. Negan was indescribable and Carl's heart was filling in at a once empty space.

When they got back to the hotel he stripped down to his boxers and sighed when Negan put an arm around him. His shirt pressed against his back. “Are you always going to wear clothes to bed?” Carl yawned out. “Are you always going to show me that muscled back of yours?” Negan countered. He took Negan's hand and rested it under his head and felt at peace. “I got a confession.” Negan spoke with remorse and Carl stiffened, waiting for the bomb to drop. “It wasn't right but I rummaged through your stuff. Saw that photo of your family.” Carl burrowed into Negan's hand wishing he would stop. “I'm not going to prod. I want you to feel okay with me and I'm sorry I went through your stuff.” Carl felt a tear trickle down. “It's okay.” He breathed out but Negan kissed his neck. “I know it isn't. Truth is if you did that shit to me I'd be angry.”

Carl refused to release another tear. “I'm still sorry Carl but I have to know. Your parents were in that photo, your sister too. Are they still alive?” Carl let go of his anger if only for a minute, admitting to himself Negan meant no harm and he kissed at the pad of one of Negan's fingers. “No. You know that. Their long gone.” Carl didn't cry that night but he did shiver and Negan ran long fingers through his hair whispering gentle urges as he earned him up. The last whisper making Carl feel a little better. “Carl I lost the only one that meant something to me too and you're not alone. Not anymore.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy late Thanksgiving! Leave me a comment to inspire more writing.

It had been a month since Carl agreed to sleep at Negan's house every night. He had the choice to sleep in his own bed or with Negan, the option to come and go as he pleased and Negan let him know all the time if he sometimes wanted to be alone that was surely his right. They didn't kiss on the lips or grope, cuddles and conversation their only relationship and it was enough for both of them. Carl still had clients, sometimes he staggered in at 4 am and other times 9 pm. If Negan was already asleep when Carl climbed into bed he was still pulled into Negan's embrace.

Carl's outlook changed, he felt hope and an affectionate pull, he went up a jean size with Negan's breakfast offering each morning and a sack lunch shoved into his hand when he left. Negan offered to buy his new clothing and they had a big argument about it, in the end Carl agreed for Negan to buy his clothes as long as they came from Goodwill. Today was no different as Negan handed him a plate with fruit salad and an omelette. “Remember our discussion last night.” Carl nodded around a mouthful of egg. “Yes, I'll come at eight.” Negan was adamant that he needed Carl to come home early tonight.

A kiss to his head was given as Negan gave him his sack lunch. “Don't forget.” There was a plea in his eyes and Carl smiled. “Yes Negan.” Carl reiterated and hugged Negan goodbye. Carl stood at his usual post, he would work during daylight some but got better results at night. Christmas was in two weeks though so he got more hits now. Carl didn't find it hard to pass Dwight up, he wasn't as angry as he thought he would be. Dwight cussed him out before choosing another guy. When Philip drove up Carl smirked, today would be an easy day.

It was seven when Philip dropped him off, he was hornier than usual but was sweet and plaid him extra calling it a Christmas bonus because he was going out of town and wouldn't see Carl until New Years. Carl still had a hour until Negan wanted him home but decided to arrive early. A group of fellow prostitutes were gathered in a circle and dread made it way into Carl. It was never a good sign, his mantra of “please make everything be alright” halted at Andrea's tears, she looked at him sadly. “Carl.”

Carl stopped beside Enid who had been dumped on the ground like trash. Her face was black and blue and she wasn't alert. Breathing labored and her clothes messy upon her body. “What did they do to you Enid?” Andrea cried out. “We called an ambulance.” As sirens sounded near all of his group ran away including Andrea. He had to stay, no other choice in his mind concerning his friend. He moved back ss paramedics ran to her and started to work. He followed the stretcher to the ambulance and when they looked at him came up with his lie. “I'm her brother.” With that he got in with her.

Carl walked to Negan's, a long journey from the other side of town. Enid had a concussion but it seemed she would be okay. She still hadn't woke up and after explaining to a nurse he knew nothing about what happened to her and walked up to find her that way he sat with her. When they reassured him Enid was okay and heneeded to talk to the cops he finally left, not needing that chaos. It was 2 am by the time he arrived at Negan's. By now he had a key and he went to turn the lock finding it was already unlocked, that was unusual for Negan.

Carl walked into the living room and saw Negan in his recliner. “Well, well, well he lives.” Negan slurred and sipped straight from a bottle of whiskey. When Carl approached him he could smell the stench of alcohol. “You reek Negan.” It made him snarl. “Yeah well I'm an adult I can drink all I want.” Something was wrong and Carl went to take the whiskey away. “Oh no you don't!” Negan screamed. “Negan.” He stood up then, sluggish but towering over Carl. “Don't Negan me, you didn't come!” Carl went to touch Negan but he pulled back. “What were you doing? Getting your rocks off and laughing at standing me up?” Even in his inebriated state Carl saw his pain.

“No Negan let me explain.” Negan laughed and took another long sip. “No Carl. I don't want to hear about your slutty night.” Carl still tried to put an arm around him but Negan jabbed a finger to his chest repeatedly. “No I shouldn't expect anything more out of a prostitute, maybe if I offered you some extra cash I could ensure your word. Is that what it cost?” The tough finger pressing against his chest didn't hurt as much as the cruel words. “Negan let me explain.” Negan snarled at him. “No. Leave Carl. You're nothing to me but a disappointment. Imagine that! A guy like me letting scum like you have room in my life to disappoint. Never again!” Carl neld his tears at bay and waited to physically be thrown out the door but Negan took another swallow of his poison and stumbled to his room, slamming the door shut. There was no reason to stay in the suddenly cold home so he left.

\------------------------------------------

Being back in the cold after a months absence was harder than he thought. His old nesting spot was now inhabited so he moved over to an abandoned factory that was colder than the last. The cardboard box with tattered sheets felt less warm than before but at least Enid had been released. It felt like months instead of three days since things when down with Negan. He wasn't bitter, this was akways expected and Negan's actions came from drunkenness. Carl knew he would never see Negan again but he took comfort in knowing even at Negan's worst his name calling was minimal and he still wasn't abusive. Being alone was the worst, Philip out of town and Enid getting cared for by her older and kinder client. The only escape Carl got from his wandering thoughts and the December chill were strangers beds.

Three days Negan had scoured looking for Carl to no prevail. He wasn't at his usual spot any time of the day, Negan had parked for a day straight and the teen never showed. The brunette he knew was his friend was not around and Andrea played clueless no matter how much money he offered. With the beg to know if he was okay at day two Andrea at least admitted he was, it held a challenging attitude but he got his answer. It was the coldest December in a while and with the frigid temperature decreasing and Carl's upcoming birthday Negan felt like shit, now knowing Carl had an good excuse for breaking his promise though he still didn't know why.

\--------------------------------------

At ten days Negan had to refrain with all the self control he possessed to not drink. Alcoholism was a potential road for him once and he didn't need the temptation there but Carl couldn't be filled by another prostitute because Carl was so much more than that. He was kindness and soul wrapped up in a traumatized body. If Negan could only explain then maybe Carl could find a way to forgive him.

Negan loaded up his groceries, none of it felt worth eating with his heavy heart but he had to take care of himself so he loaded up his car. Like fate he decided to turn left at a light instead of right for a change of scenery and not a mile down the road he saw it. Carl walking with a large bookbag on his back. He saw that long hair and small frame from the back and his heart sped up already knowing it was Carl. He pulled over and rolled down the window. “Carl!” The teen stilled before increasing his stride. Negan closed his door and locked it, glad this road had parallel parking and ran out. “Carl.” 

The teen made no move to stop and he ran behind him. “Please Carl even if you can't forgive me at least let me explain.” Carl turned then, anger in his eyes. “What's there to explain? I'm just a whore! You owe me nothing!” Negan hated hearing that and lunged at Carl to hug him tight. “Carl you're so much more than that. I'm sorry okay, I was drunk and that's no excuse but I didn't mean any of it and this week without you had been hell. Please believe me. I'll let you come home with me, you can even have your own room. As long as I know where you are, that you're safe it will be enough for me.” Carl's heart fluttered. How many times had Negan offered him a room of solace with no strings attached? “Please you never have to work again, you don't even have to speak to me and I'll still let it be your home too.” The beg made Carl smile and pull back. “It's okay Negan. Let's talk.”

On the ride home Negan tapped at the wheel nervously and coughed out uncomfortably. Carl got the feeling that Negan had a lot on his mind. Negan was slower getting out of the car, his moves sluggish and restained of enthusiasm. Carl walked with him slowly knowing the man needed time to gather up his courage. When the door unlocked Carl sat down easily while Negan slouched down, baring all his weight into the cushions of an opposite couch. He sniffed and played with the pull of his zipper, so unlike the confident man.

His tone was quiet and soft, his eyes focused on the zipper he still fidgeted with. “I wanted you here that night because I knew it would be rough. I told you I had been married before, her name was Lucille. She was like you, too beautiful and snarky. When she died I tried to drink my life away and my friend Simon got me straight before I lost my jo. I had never been good with dates. Anniversaries, birthdays, it's funny I couldn't remember all the damn dates but now that she's gone I can't forget them. That night i I wanted you to stay was the anniversary of her death.”

Carl moved off of his seat to sit next to Negan. “Negan.” Negan still didn't look up. “I got to finish saying this. Thing is I loved her but I was an arrogant prick. I drove the flashiest car and brought her the finest jewelry. I was a good husband but not a good man to anyone else. I worked long nights and left he home alone. Three weeks before she passed we had a big argument. She wanted me home more, specifically at nights and I agreed that once a week, aiming for Wednesday's I would he home. Two weeks I did good and then the third? Important business came up, I saw the time on my watch and knew where I was supposed to be but I ignored it to work.”

Carl took his hand knowing what was going to be said would be sSimilar to his own nightmare. “When I got home it was all gone. My wife, home, the photos of our twelve year marriage. All burnt to the ground and if I was home maybe I could have saved her.” Carl pet his thigh. “Or be dead too. Not be here for me.” Negan had been so stuck in his grief for years but now thinking of Carl all alone without anyone caring about his well being scared him.

“I've lost too. My dad's best friend Shane was like my uncle and then one day he kissed my mom while dad was supposed to be in the next room. They had been having an affair and my dad said the kiss. Dad waited to bring it up when we were all in the car. I was too young to realize she had sped up as the argued on the road and mom didn't stop at the red light. They both died on impact.” Negan had to look at Carl then, know he was okay after spilling his guts. “Carl I'm sorry. Losing your whole family in a second. That's terrible.” The teens face wasn't inflicted. “I just wanted you to know, I get survivor's guilt too.”

Negan put his arm around Carl. “Shit. I'm whining over losing my wife in adulthood, you lost it all in one night and still aren't grown. I mean you are grown up in everything but age.” Carl snuggled against him. “It doesn't matter when you loose, it still hurts and makes no sense.” Negan kissed his head. “I'm sorry for what I said. I'm shit. You're more than I could ever be and I shouldn't have called you a slut.” Carl shushed him with one finger to his lip before rising up. “Let's go rest.”

It felt like nothing had changed as both stripped down to boxers and shirts. Carl slipping in his usual spot in front of Negan's tight wrung arms. “I'll work everyday on proving to you I'm sorry and didn't mean what I said to you Carl. I promise.” It was a promise that Carl smiled at because here they were just lying in bed like before with Negan already forgiven and yet the other didn't think it was enough. It made Carl feel special, being worth such a goal. “I'm sorry about your parents and your sister. That's terrible and now I feel like nothing, treating you that way. Crying drunk over my one lost.” Carl pat his hand and scooted further into Negan's warmth. “My pain isn't greater than yours just because I lost more.” It's sounded wise and far beyond Carl's years of life. Negan kissed his neck and then Carl held his hand, hesitant to expose his last painful lost. Enid the only one to know it since he left Georgia behind. “I don't want to talk about it now. It's too hard, too much but my sister Judith. She lived through the crash. Good car seat I guess but I think it would have been easier to loose her that night. Loses them all at once” Negan heard his voice break on the last word and he felt his heart crumble at knowing something worse had happened to Carl then the crash. “Okay Carl, we have all the time in the world to talk.” Negan held Carl close that night, making sure he was warm and cuddled before he allowed himself the rest he needed. He would wake up many times that night with his first thoughts being of Carl in his head.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys it's been so long. Got caught up rereading one of my own fics and of course it was my longest. I hope it is worth the wait!

Carl brushed his long brown hair and looked into the mirror. Today he was eighteen and so much had changed. Negan felt guilty when he found out Enid had been beat up and that's why Carl didn't come to him. Carl wasn't sure if it was guilt or his sincere generosity but he offered to pay her bills and made sure she received follow up care. He didn't work the streets anymore but he still felt he was a prostitute. One that stayed home everyday and was cared for, cuddled at night.

Tomorrow he would start the paperwork on getting his GED, Negan's lawyer clearing everything up and helping him get his social security card and license after being a runaway. There was no judgement as he told Negan of running away after Judith's death but he still couldn't open up, each day he was amazed Negan didn't force him to open up. Tonight may change a lot of things because Negan assured him of a nice birthday treat but he worried sex may change them and now he knew he couldn't bare being out there again selling his body. A few weeks and he was already enjoying a less hostile life.

“Look at my birthday boy!” Negan exclaimed and wrapped his hands around him, his forehead pressed to Carl's but his eyes held no seduction, his hands no want other than to hold him kindly. “I hate I have to go into the office a while but you just do whatever as usual and I'll be home at six to get ready. Wear something warm.” Negan kissed his cheek and didn't pat his ass once as he left. Carl decided he could at least clean his house while he was lazy, Negan reassured him more than once it wasn't needed but he felt like he needed to earn his keep.

Carl had a bandana wrapped around his hair as he vacuumed and dusted. He was cleaning thoroughly after after lunch and a movie. He picked up a photo of Lucille that Negan had put out after admitting he hid it from Carl. She was beautiful and he only felt a little guilty for stealing Negan away then laughed because how could he steal from someone who passed away. “Maybe you and my parents are friends.” He spoke to the photo, liking the idea that his and Negan's family were staring down in approval. He took time to drink a glass of water then got back to cleaning. 

Negan unlocking the door had him checking the watch Negan brought him, one he made sure was cheap. “Look at that.” Negan hummed in approval as he touched the black bandana wrapping his head. He leaned back to get a good view of Carl's tight black shirt and ripped up jeans. “Maybe we should stay in Birthday boy.” Carl flushed and then turned redder thinking of the intended sex that would happen later. For the second time in his life he was nervous over actual sex. The first being his first sell of his body.

“I got money in this night though and you deserve the best.” Carl followed behind. “We can shower together. Save time.” Negan smirked then looked at his body again. “Good idea but let's do it separate. Remember dress nice.” Carl kept the pain off his face, did Negan really want him? He blow dried his hair and peered in the mirror practicing his fake smile. He faked so much in life so he found it easy acting like Negan's detachment was fine. As they finally left the house Negan's gloved hand holding his almost made him gasp at the unexpected tenderness.

First they watched a movie and it wasn't hard to fake when you weren't talking. He let the film and the blue eyed handsome actor take away his thoughts. Negan's hand held his tight and rubbed at his knee here and there, he almost felt like he wanted him again. Negan held each door open and closed the car door trying to excite Carl about what would come at the end of the night. Carl was starting to wonder if that was going to be sex or a paid college tuition and found himself hoping Negan to want him more.

“You're quite.” Negan said as Carl stabbed asparagus on his plate. “I'm fine.” He lied but Negan's arm stretched against the table and took his. “Carl this is your night. If I pissed you off, said something wrong I want to know.” Carl felt fury in his core because Negan should know. Their whole meeting has led to this, him being eighteen and Negan jumping his bones, this morning it should have taken place. Negan had finally seen he wasn't worth it and like so many times he feared his regular clients would turn him down at this age he now felt Negan would too now. “I'm fine.” He lied again and Negan grasped his hand tighter and stared on concerned. “I know you Carl. You're upset but whenever you want to talk we will. Fully.”

Carl ate the rest of his meal at a slow pace. Negan gave him sad smiles but left him alone. Negan signed off on the check and opened the door for him again. He held his hand and only stopped at the car door. “Okay Birthday boy we can go home if you want or walk across the street to your last gift of the night.” Negan stayed mute but looked on hopeful. He had never done anything cruel to him the whole time they knew one another and maybe he had an explanation for ignoring him that way. “It's fine Negan. Let's get my gift.”

Negan put an arm around him and led him to the park. They walked and it was getting chilly and he watched as Negan stopped at a stand and ordered two hot chocolates. He held them and they walked on stopping in front of a horse carriage. “Negan.” It was a tall and beautiful horse in front of a white carriage. “I thought you would like it.” A kind looking old man stopped in front of them. “Hello, I'm Hershel and this is Nellie. Good thing she's not nervous. You can pet her if you like.” Carl pet the horses soft mane and tried to contain his excitement. He could pet her all day and forget the ride.

Negan and Hershel hung back, grinning at the boy. “He likes horses, seems you picked well my friend.” Negan nodded at Hershel and it was long minutes before Carl stepped back to them. “Ready for that ride young lad?” Hershel questioned, at and a step stool was placed at the side and they got in. Negan spread out a thick and plush red blanket over them and Carl forgot his anger and allowed Negan to hold him close. By the time they arrived back at the park Carl was completely warm. Negan took his hand and led him out of the carriage. “Thanks Hershel.” Negan said as they left.

“I didn't know you liked horses.” Negan started the car and Carl sighed. “I like all animals. Mom was allergic to cats and dogs. The closest I got to a pet is something I don't want to talk about.” Negan grabbed his hand and held on tight until they got home. He thought the surprises were over but Negan led him to the kitchen and got out a cake that he lit up and when Negan stood back declaring it was time to make a wish Carl stared at the flickering light. The last time Carl had a birthday cake was the last time he held any potential to dream.

“Carl.” He didn't even know he was crying as Negan dried away tears. Warm hands embraced him and he cried quietly into a strong chest. Negan kissed the top of his head and held him closer. He was only let go for Negan to blow out the candles on the cake and then he sat heavily in the chair. “Shit. I feel like all I did was fuck up today. First you're mad at me and now I try to get the perfect cake and still messed up.” Carl stood in front of him and dropped to his knees, laying his forehead against Negan's knees. “You didn't mess up, it's perfect.”

Negan leaned down and stared into his blue eyes and cupped his chin, his own eyes sad. “It doesn't feel perfect.” Negan admitted then kissed his lips. It was a peck but when he went to pull back Carl grabbed his cheeks and pulled him back in. It was sweet and light, even when Carl invited Negan's tongue in and it was like nothing Carl experienced before. A light, sweeping kiss with controlled hands wanting nothing more than the simple moment they were in. Carl let go and breathed against Negan's lips. “I got all I want here with you. I don't need to wish anymore.” Carl admitted. Negan felt like maybe he hasn't been failing tonight.

Negan went to pull Carl up and head to the living room but Carl pulled from his hand. “I want cake.” Negan chuckled and cut two slices and Carl couldn't help but notice the cake came from France. He still felt something Carl thought as Negan walked with two plates in hand to the living room. Negan allowed Carl to finish his cake, noticing how he licked the fork clean. “Why did the cake make you cry?” Carl stared at the plate and sighed. “Because I hadn't had a birthday cake in years, I didn't think I would make it to eighteen, and mostly because I stopped wishing for good things years ago and here you are giving me a real life and telling me to make a wish. These past weeks have been a wish fulfilled.”

Negan hated to hear the crack in Carl's voice, he knew he had it rough but never imagined the one he cared for ever feared not making it so much. “You will always be safe now Carl, with or without me.” Insecurity ran rampant in his heart and mind. “What's that mean? You're going to support me when you dump me?” Negan took his arm away to inspect Carl. “Dump you? Carl I just meant if something happened to me. Why would I leave? What did you think tonight was? A goodbye?”

Carl scrubbed at his eyes, refusing to cry again. “I don't know. You barely touched me all day.” Carl felt defensive. “Holding your hand? Hugging you? Kissing you just then is nothing?” Carl crossed his arms. “I thought you would want me this morning or afternoon. Hell even now but you just want to be nice and sweet like I'm charity. A burden.” Negan held his hand again and kissed it, seeing for once that Carl wasn't all grown up but still partially a small and insecure boy. “Carl sex can be a lot of things but this right here isn't charity.”

Negan held him closer. “You sleep in my bed. I want the best things for you and it's frustrating when you want Goodwill shirts or ten dollar watches because I want the best for you always. I give you those cheap things because it's what you want. Truth is I love you, I don't know when it started but I felt for you for weeks before Enid got hurt. I felt like if I had sex with you this morning you would think all I could wanted was your ass and I want so much more from you Carl. I want your heart, your trust and if I just plowed your ass at midnight how could it be true?”

Carl stiffened as Negan explained and then he leaned heavily against Negan and laughed in relief. “I never thought of it that way. I'm screwed up.” Negan shook his head in disagreement. “You only know sex one way Carl. For survival. It can be a weapon, assault, blackmail. So many dark things but it can also be wonderful and real. It can mean something and when it does it's amazing. I think we can know each other better, I can feel even more for you than I do now though that's a lot and if we wait I think you can see just how much you mean to me.”

The whole time Carl was trying to rush things he never believed that Negan's reluctance came from a good place. “I'm glad you found me Negan.” He was kissed again and it was fiery and he moaned out when Negan leaned heavily against him though his hands stayed on his face. “I'm glad you stayed with my crazy ass.” Negan said and pecked his lips again. “Come on Birthday boy. Let's go cuddle.” As Negan took his hand he grinned again and thought of his mom, dad, and Judith in an ever increasing positive light. What started out as a depressing day ended up being the best Birthday he had in a very long while.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the butt sex and lots of fluff.
> 
> So it was kinda weird doing Carl sex even though he's 18 now but Negan's Negan and I did it. We may need this after tonight...

Carl sighed at warm caresses down his body, Negan had been spoiling him for weeks. Staying with him later in the morning and making sure he was home to cuddle at night. Carl knew he was falling hard for Negan and the constant attention he received from Negan was proof he was trying to do better than in his marriage. It had led to a serious argument two nights ago because Carl wasn't fragile and Negan didn't need to make his amends to Lucille through him. In the end Negan admitted he just wanted to his best to make things flow easily in their relationship which made the relationship conversation come up. 

Carl knew they were exclusive and he loved Negan but he had never been with someone that way and he feared his own screw ups. He had never talked so much in his life about feelings and himself. That night they talked for hours about Carl's family, his dad that he was always close to and how he got into prostitution. He still could tell the whole story, speak of Judith's demise but he felt better in the end. Well at least until Shane came up and finally being able to show all his anger, the blackness in his heart over a man he used to call uncle. It spilled over in rage but Negan listened, let him have his tantrum like a child and then when he felt empty again, a pit of sorrow Negan held him close as he took him to bed and cuddled him to sleep like every other night.

“Buttercup.” He tingled at Negan's soft whisper as he kissed up his neck. Hands ranked up his sides and Carl groaned. Negan must have gotten up before him because the kiss was minty and Carl's dick filled with desire. Sometimes Carl felt like after all his life experiences he would never want sex again if his profession ever ended but Negan always riled him up. He usually went to the bathroom and handled his own business because Negan wanted to take things slow.

Today though he couldn't think, Negan's hands touching his chest and kissing him boldly. Carl put Negan's hand to his erection and moaned breathlessly as he pumped up. “Damn baby.” Carl wrapped his legs around Negan's waist and snapped his hip ma up, feeling Negan's bulge. “Please Negan.” Negan kissed him, felt Carl's desired pants against his lips, his leg pressing him down against him further. “Baby.” Negan gritted out and when Carl reached inside his boxers he couldn't resist but to buck into him.

“Off.” Carl let go of his dick only to yank on his boxers. He chuckled but slid off the bed. He stiffened more at Carl's focused eyes watching his every move and he leaked when Carl licked his pouty lips as he exposed his heavy length. “Like what you see?” Negan teased with a bite to his own lip and he took his time taking off his white t shirt. When the shirt slid over his head he groaned out at Carl, of course the teasing didn't make him frustrated. Instead he was stroking his cock lazily and squirmed in the bed as he swirled at his slit. “Damn.” It was the only word Negan could speak as he watched mesmerized.

Carl collected his juices and stroked harder, looking into Negan's eyes as he spread his legs, exposing his hole and then pinched a perky nipple. Negan saw another drop of precum release just for Carl to run his tip through it and lick it up. Negan's dick twitched and Carl smirked at witnessing it. “Are you going to watch or are you going to help?” He only spread out wider and stroked himself once more. Negan hissed as he ran a finger over his engorged dick and crawled on his knees into the bed.

“You're a damn tease Carl but so beautiful.” He touched Carl's pale stomach in a trance. It only made Carl want him more because Negan didn't touch him sexually but lovingly. “Negan prep me.” It was low and sensual and Negan tugged on his dick before grabbing some lube. “You sure? We have forever.” Negan questioned, he wanted Carl so bad but he enjoyed what they had. Innocent and free spirited, there was a fear that this would change them. “Yes Negan please. I want you. I want to feel you in me, I want to be all of yours.”

Negan kissed him, taking time to convey his feelings slowly. “You're already all mine and I'm yours. This can't possibly make me feel differently. Each day I'm with you I feel more than the previous day. Sex or no sex.” Carl grinned, sex was always silence, dirty words, or pain. Never an admission of feelings, Never sweet. “I want this Negan but if you want to wait.”  
Negan kissed him softly and Carl shuddered at faint fingers tracing his rim. “Negan.” He whined and seeped as fingers rubbed at his hole. “Like that?” Negan smirked and Carl could only nod yes frantically.

A finger breached in, taking time to slowly prod at his walls, sinking in. Carl panted, it had been awhile since he had anything back there and he swallowed thickly. Negan eyed him with want but stayed still. “Move.” At Carl's order Negan pushed out and in wildly making Carl's legs tremble as he dripped. Negan patted his bent knee then stroked up his shaft slowly as he pushed another finger in. “So tight.” Carl opened a slitted eye to see Negan stroke his own dick and he gasped out a cry as Negan's fingers crooked and rubbed abusingly as his prostate.

Negan held onto the base of his excited dick, it was swelling more at Carl's cries of pleasure. “Oh my God.” Carl huffed out. Negan had delved three fingers in and was pushing and pulling unrelentlessly after he had rubbed at his rim teasingly. Negan wanted to cum right then seeing Carllimber legs spread further and start to push against his fingers, his erection neglected between his legs and Carl in no hurry to touch it. His one hand clenching sheets and the other pinching at his nipple. “Damn baby, you make me want to cum right there.” Carl looked where he pointed and moaned out at the direction being the nipple he was pulling. 

“Negan come on.” Carl's walls clenched on his prodding fingers and Negan pulled them out to lather his dick in slick. Negan pressed two finger pads to his hole and moaned at a pulse. “Negan.” The needy whine had him crawling between his legs and he smirked as he ran his tip along that puckered hole. He could only laugh when Carl hit his shoulder in frustration but he gave up and pushed his tip in. Negan had always been a teaser but he grunted in shock when Carl pressed his ass forward and walls enveloped his heated flesh. “Damm baby, no playing for me.” Negan leughed.

Carl gave him a knowing smirk and sat up to kiss him harshly, their teeth clacking together before Carl laid back down and pushed his ass back and forth. Negan watched in bliss, feeling his precum smearing all over Carl's walls as he did still the work. He was fit alright, Negan's dick disappearing and appearing again in a dark cavern of wet warmth as he did no work himself. “Negan.” At a whine Negan pushed Carl's legs apart at his hips and bucked in making Carl moan loudly into the room. “Yes!” Carl screamed.

Their bodies slid against each other in perfection. Carl didn't attempt to touch his trapped dick as it slid against Negan's toned stomach. Negan's mushroomed head was much bigger than his shaft making Carl feel each pull back and forth by his swollen tip and he moaned with no filter as it rubbed at his prostate. “Carl, just look at you.” He looked into Negan's mocha eyes as he leaned down and kissed him and Carl grunted into his mouth as Negan slid the tip of his finger into his already full walls.

“Negan.” Negan kissed him. “Shh. Let it go.” Negan pressed into him deeper, his finger prodding in further and Carl cried out as he came on his stomach untouched. “I like that.” Negan smirked but the next kiss was sweet. He went to pull out but Carl pumped back against him. “No. In me please.” Carl swore he saw black cloud Negan's eyes as he kissed him again, just as sweet and pumped faster. Carl groaned at the stimulation and grabbed a handful of Negan's ass as he came inside his tight hole.

Negan stayed nestled inside, his dick soft and embedded. “Carl you are just too much. Look at you.” Negan wasn't staring at the mess he made inside of Carl, at his spent dick, or his fit but small body. Negan was peering into his hooded eyes, seeing who he was as a whole. “You see me.” Carl grimaced at his confession, a thought he didn't intend to speak out. Negan smiled and slid out of him, kissing him in no hurry and pulled him closer. “I do see you Carl, everything you are and more than you realize you are. And you know what?” Carl turned and kissed Negan's rib. “What?” He asked just to squeal as Negan pinned him to the bed and kissed his lips then down his neck. “You see me too and that's why we work.” Carl sighed thinking this could only be a dream but he giggled out a happy laugh like he did so many times these days when Negan blew a relentless series of raspberries onto his stomach until he had to finally do it. Scream uncle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some short, sweet Christmas fluff because the next chapter will be the big Judith reveal and it ain't pretty! 2-3 chapters left and I'm done.

Carl groaned awake to loud Christmas music. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer playing full blast and he stumbled out of bed. The smell of pancakes filled his nostrils and he stumbled to the living room. Negan stood there admiring a six foot christmas tree with too many ornaments. Negan looked sexy with four days worth of stubble burn and a Santa hat, it shouldn't have accentuated the aging man's face. “Merry Christmas Carl! He giggled as he came closer and Negan dipped him down for a kiss before dragging the white fluffy ball of his hat in Carl's face. “Stop it!” Carl screamed through laughs.

Negan then stood straight and twirled him. Carl stood and gawked at the tree with every trimming imaginable. “You know it isn't Christmas right?” Negan didn't look his way and instead stared with Carl at the tree. “Yep.” He said, popping the p. Carl laid leaned against his side grinning. “I got plain and eggnog pancakes.” Carl's mouth watered at the thought of Negan's cooking. “Where did you find eggnog?” Negan winked. “I have my ways.” Carl would never know it was homemade. 

Negan poured almost half a bottle of syrup over Carl's pancakes just like he ate them. Carl hummed and gave shy smiles as he chewed big chunks and Negan had to stand up and lick a long line of syrup from his cheek. “Let's skip breakfast.” Carl whispered low and husky and Negan felt his dick harden. This wasn't about that though. “We got plenty of time for that. Let's eat then open gifts.” Carl huffed if only to sound hesitant about the happy butterflies in his chest. 

Negan held him close as they went back to the tree and there were a mountain of gifts. Negan's big teeth glistened as he urged each gift to be opened. Nice clothes, cologne, and a better watch just a few of the gifts he received. “Negan.” He fussed at the obvious expensive watch. “Shhh, don't ruin it baby.” Carl let it go. By the time he was done he had a new fancy phone and enough clothes for the next two years. “You have nothing from me.” Carl whined. Negan tilted his chin up for a kiss. “I have everything.” Negan said.

“What now?” Carl asked, the air feeling intense in a domestic sense. “Christmas movies of course.” Negan held up a movie called elf. “Just wait until you see this!” Negan explained. The movie was the best Carl has seen yet but he hadn't seen many. Nothing compared to Negan pulling him in for snuggles and threading his thick fingers through his hair. “Negan.” Carl laid down, his head in Negan's lap. “Yeah?” Negan was relaxed, legs wide and eyes open. “Thanks.” Carl's last real Christmas was so long ago. “It's nothing Carl. Whatever you need I'll try.” So far there had been no trying, just steady guarantees that Carl was more than a dirty piece of ass.

A second movie followed the first and Carl's belly was still full. He fell asleep on Negan's lap happy and feeling like it was really Christmas. Negan watched his eyes droop, he wanted today to be special and knew he achieved success but still he wanted so much more for Carl, every day should be a rewrite to replace the gloomy days of his past.

Negan wanted to know Carl's deepest secret, he knew Judith had died and the screams and sobs after dreams let him know it wasn't pretty. Carl refused to tell him and he didn't push. After those horrible nightmares Carl either wanted to cuddle or would slam the bathroom floor and turn on the shower, loud wails or silence always followed. Negan didn't even know if he wanted to know the truth because Carl was so strong but this was something terrible.

Tonight Negan would hold Carl tight, smell his shampoo scented hair as he stroked his sleek hair. He had done his job, gave Carl Christmas, made sure he was safe. If tomorrow hurt Carl Negan would be by his side and let him know he would never be alone again. Carl was now his everything and that made him smile because after fearing another loss for so long he now knew no matter how long Carl was living he would do all he could for him because without Carl knowing it he had done so much for Negan, let him believe life wasn't as hard as it seemed before.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: child death. The reveal!
> 
> So this was supposed to be longer but I got interrupted and I hate reading long chapters myself. *fingers crossed I update again tomorrow!

Carl looked over his exam study guide intently, his GED test was right around his the corner and he smiled at Negan's light singing flooding down the hallway, some Italian song that sounded much louder when he went to the kitchen to grab a bottled water. It had been two hours of studying and though he felt he knew the material well he was scared of failing the test, Negan had built him up at every doubt. It was time to take a break.

Carl imagined what the translation of the lyrics really were and laughed at the overly sappy ones his mind supplied. It had been six months since he moved in with Negan and now he was a hopeless romantic. Negan's back was to him, the apron tied behind his back in a perfect bow. “Hey sweetheart.” Negan greeted him with a kiss. “I thought I would take a break. Watch you make me my favorite dinner.” Carl beemed. He earned a wink and then Negan started a conversation in his sturdy voice. 

Homemade spaghetti with real noodles and no canned sauce was Negan's speciality, fresh chopped tomatoes and herbs from his garden were added to the pot. “Shit!” Negan exclaimed, a can of tomato paste smashed on the floor. Carl stared down at the splattered bold drops of red, uneven across the floor. Flashes of Judith flooded his mind, he saw imaginary blood coating his hands, it was everywhere. “No! No!” Carl screamed, running to his bedroom.

Negan watched Carl's demeanor change, his beautiful smile change to an anguished frown, a pale white littering his rosy cheeks. He knew in that moment Carl wasn't there with him, Carl's hands were inspected in front of his face, they were clean but to Carl they appeared to be frightening. The scream he let out didn't hurt Negan's ears in its shrill cry but instead in the sound of fear, a pain as deep rooted as when Negan saw his own home a fiery blaze with Lucille inside.

Negan approached his door slowly as it a startled deer were inside. He scanned the room walking slowly towards where he suspected Carl was. In the corner between the nightstand and wall Carl was there, hands on his knees that were pulled up, his head tucked tight against them. “Carl.” Negan whispered, a confirmation he was there. Quiet sobs were exhaled and he sat across from the man he loved, allowing him to let go of his hurt. “Judith.” Carl sobbed out brokenly, neither knew how much time had passed before Carl spoke.

“I know.” Negan affirmed. “I couldn't save her.” Carl choked out. It was like a stab to Negan's heart that dragged right down to his guts. “Carl. Don't. I have no idea what you witnessed but I know one damn thing for sure it wasn't your fault. You were a kid, an orphan and it was someone else's damn fault.” Carl sighed, his puffy and reddened eyes finally looking up. “I know but I should have reported it. I let it happen.” Negan touched his leg. “Carl.”

Carl crawled into his lap and clung to him. “It was so much blood like Judith wasn't even big, she was always tiny but there was so much.” Negan listened as Carl told the whole story. Foster care was just how people described it, other than one nice lady who always baked cookies and cared for them it was a disaster. Most foster parents saw it as a paycheck, he did hard chores and was basically ignored, caring for Judith himself. Then Joe Sterling and his wife Barbara became his foster parents. They were cruel and alcoholics, laughed and bitched all night long. Two weeks in Joe drank himself into a stupor and threw a beer bottle and narrowly missed Carl, still he didn't report him because he figured it didn't matter. Carl wasn't abused unless you counted neglect and taunts. Negan had to remind him that was abuse.

Carl paused in grief before he found his voice again. The night Judith died made Negan think Lucille’s death was a blessing in comparison. At least the smoke got her before the fire but beaten to death was horrific. Joe got drunk and Carl assumed Judith started crying and came in to quiet her with violence. She was a bloody mess before he was done and Carl held her close, running to the neighbor's house for help. Negan imagined Satan himself as he envisioned the gory details, then Joe sipped himself a beer with tainted hands.

“I gave up. Left, I just wrapped her in a blanket and kissed her goodbye. I couldn't see Morgan, my social worker. I was done and I don't regret leaving because I couldn't do it anymore. Live in Georgia, be alone with assholes, without Judith. I just couldn't.” The sobs started up again and Negan could only hold him close, couldn't even shush him because somebody needed to hear Carl Grimes cries after all this time. “Hey I got you. I'm not leaving Carl.” It was the only appropriate assurance he could give.

Negan held Carl tight, monitored his zombie like movements through the day and spooned him that night. Anger festered and boiled in his heart, rage growing in each fraction of a second at what his Carl went through. Joe Sterling would pay and it would happen soon enough. Negan was once a violent man and in this dark, late night when he was sure Carl was sleeping he went to his basement and got a baseball bat, one he hadn't thought of in years and that stayed safe at Simon's during the fire that took Lucille. Joe would die soon enough even if Negan sunk on that ship with him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Smut! A vampire bat not called Lucille and a pinch of sap! One chapter left y'all!

Carl was snuggled warmly in his blanket as he woke up, he looked at the clock to see it was 12 pm. Padding down the hall it didn't take long to discover Negan was gone so he ran to the garage and sure enough Negan's car was gone, dressing quickly and pulling on his shoes Carl got in his own car and for the first time was happy Negan insisted on the purchaser, a two day ride wouldn't be fun but Negan was going after Joe and Carl had lost enough loved ones.

Negan cruised down the road four hours now. Gas, pissing, and coffee would be his only stops. A swine like Joe wouldn't be hard to find, scope out a few skeevy bars and he would turn up at one. Carl had already witnessed so much and if he could track down that ass Shane he would be dead too, screw him being a cop. Him wanting to get his dick wet made the events unfold this way and then he had the gall to not go to the double funeral or comfort Carl. It made Negan laugh, even a younger Carl would have decked him.

The heat was sweltering, Negan's leather jacket sticking to his back as he cursed at the slow pumping gas, in Georgia it seemed everything was as slow as the inhabitants spoke. He was only an hour from his destination after a two day drive. Some redneck swayed to a blue truck a box of beer tucked in hand and then a dirty guy with a sleeveless shirt followed behind him, he shuddered at the greasy hair shimmering in the sunlight. “Hey.” Negan said it before he could think it out, the redneck turned to him. “What you want?”

Negan walked to him. “I'm just trying to hit King County, do you happen to know a Joe Sterling?” The dude stared him down. “I don't know why you would ask me if I know some baby killer but I don't. Read in the paper some years back he killed a baby, that's all I know asshole. I pay my taxes and don't lie with dogs.” Just like that the man ran to his truck, the other gruff man asking about him in a broken voice. A cigarette was thrown at Negan's feet as they drove away. “Hicks!” He yelled, he received the bird as the car sped off.

So Joe did go to jail, maybe he should have looked him up but he would use his connections if needed to get to him from inside prison. Revving zero to sixty he got made his way to Carl's hometown. The first bar was a bust, some hole in the wall containing only five men and all were drunk, the bartender too sloshed as well and flirting with an old hag so he was too busy to answer his questions, it was getting late so he booked a hotel and decided more energy could be put into tomorrow's search. Negan rubbed his bat. “You're going to help me get vengeance vampire bat.” With that he fell asleep, Carl's grief wearing him down.

It was too early to be considered morning when insistent knocking came to his door. “Hold your fucking horses!” He screamed putting on pajama bottoms. “Carl.” His mind didn't register a thing as he was pushed back inside his room and Carl closed it. “You stupid dumbass!” Carl pushed a finger to his chest. “You are ridiculous! What are you doing?” Negan's brows furrowed at the question. “Carl I had to come here, how did you know I was here? How did you find me?” Carl flicked a finger against his forehead. “You think I didn't know you would go after Joe? That you wouldn't pick the fanciest hotel in King County?” Negan smirked, rolling his tongue across his bottom lip. “And you doubt how smart you are Carl. Too bright.” He was pinned against the wall, Carl latched onto his mouth pouring all his emotions into the kiss. It started off rough but became sweet and slow.

Negan exhaled when Carl pulled his tongue back, dragging his bottom lip with his teeth. “I can't Negan. I can't lose you too. Joe took my sister but he can't take you. I can't do this alone anymore, if you didn't come along I would have been fine but you gave me more and you owe it to me not to do this. I hate Joe, I do but I love you more.” It was the first time Carl admitted that, Negan already knew it was true but he only ever alluded to it. “I can do this, make it look like an accident. He will get what he deserves, we will be guaranteed no other child will ever be hurt again at his hands.” Carl pushed him against the wall, painfully so, his head hitting drywall with force. “No! It's too risky Negan. I, no...If you really love me you won't do this, you will leave it alone.” Hurt filled Carl's eyes, longing for Negan to see his point.

“Okay Carl, this is your life. Your decision and if you are okay then that's all that matters. I only want to make you happy, provide for you.” Negan saw relief and Carl hugged him. “I just need you now. You're all I got, you're all that matters.” Negan lunged at him, threading his hands through his hair as he kissed him deeply. He stiffened at Carl's moaning and he pressed a firm palm to his ass when Carl bucked into him. Negan pushed him to the bed and paused when the back of Carl's knees hit the mattress. “As much as you make me happy and have changed me I would throw you away, live my life as miserable as right before you if I could give them back to you.” Carl smiled. “I know.”

Negan tugged on the bottom of his shirt and Carl lifted his arms and saw the glint in the older man's eyes as he raked over his pale flesh. “Off.” Carl said with a tug on his belt and then they were undressing hurriedly. Negan rubbed his hardening dick against Carl and biting at his neck playfully resulting in a laugh, he paused and looked down when Carl caressed his face softly and he kissed his fingers as they swept across his lips, Carl's eyes turned lustfully dark when he picked up his baseball bat in the bed. “Are you getting kinky ideas Negan?” He moaned at the obscene image, it was dirty and too much, something he would never do to his baby. “Oh buttercup I don't think my heart could take that.” It was all he said before licking up his nipple making Carl's erection push into his stomach.

Negan got off the bed in record speed, getting lube that he thankfully kept packed in his luggage. “Trying to get some without me?” Carl teased, giggling at Negan's angry expression. “Oh you're enough for me baby. I need nothing more.” It was said with a sexy devious wink but Carl saw beneath it, the truth. “You too.” Carl agreed yanking him down for another kiss. Lips left Carl to travel down, kissing and playfully nipping flesh before landing at his dick. Carl inhaled at warmth taking him in fully and he laid his head on the pillow and sighed as he viewed the ceiling.

His dick was sucked quickly and he gasped when slickened fingers nudged his hole, plunging in and he pushed his hand into Negan's hair when a thick tongue traveled base to tip, fingers never stopping their thrusts. “Negan.” Carl trembled, legs shaking around Negan's sexy head when two fingers started to slam at his prostate and he was sucked in deeper. “Which you like more baby? My tongue or my fingers?” Negan paused but then licked at his rim, teasing his tight ring that was full. Gentle licks teased his puffy submerged hole while pads swirled his leaking slit and one more lap was made to his pinkness before he was sucked in again.

Three fingers burrowed deep making him think he would come but as just his tip was inhaled Negan pressed down on the base of his dick. “I see you there darling. Not yet.” Negan cooed and then fingers retreaded eliciting a whine. “Shh.” Negan whispered and pushed in slow, savoring tight walls inviting him in in no haste. “You feel so good.” Negan groaned. “You too, Negan I love you.” Negan pushed in his final inch and looked at the one who made him whole. “I love you too. I feel like something brought me to you that night.” Negan groaned at Carl's moan when he pushed back and slammed in harder.

Negan's mouth clashed against Carl's as they built a rhythm, Carl's ass pumping back to meet his hard thrusts, lubed walls making wet sounds in the hotel room and Carl breathed out hard, moaning loudly as he teased slow at his prostate then slid fast near his entrance. Needy kisses and biting kisses overlapped with wet laps to his pebbled nipples. “Come on old man, give it to me.” Negan rammed in hard, squeezing Carl's rounded ass. “I'll show you old.” Negan groaned out, Carl hummed, his hips stalling at Negan's harder thrusts. “You're gonna come first.” Negan promised stroking him, fingers massaging his wet slit and never laying off his nub. Carl cried out spilling into Negan's hands.

“See who can last longer?” Negan said darkly and thrusted in long strides inside his tight walls. He grunted and pushed at Negan's still stroking hands that didn't stop in their overstimulation until he felt that white gust of seed spill deep inside him. “Hmm my baby okay?” Carl thought a moment he was referring to the sex but then concerned eyes met his. “Yeah I will be. Thanks to you.” His hand was kissed and Carl rolled on his side, sighing when Negan pulled him to chest for comfort. “I want to find where Judith is buried, I don't want to waste a trip.” Negan kissed the top of his head. “Of course buttercup.”

Negan let Carl sleep in and grinned when he woke up. “Morning sunshine!” Carl seemed to be in a good mood but he gave him space, let him take a shower alone and didn't reach out for the first kiss himself. Carl still grabbed his hand to hold and kissed him, sent him beautiful smiles across the table at the cafe during breakfast. “I guess we can go to the courthouse, look up cemetery plots.” Carl scowled a second and sighed. “I think I can cut down on wasted time.” 

Negan drove, directed down a quaint town and they stopped at a big yellow brick building. The sign said it all, Sunny Group Home, Negan gritted his teeth in anger, the cheery paint job and perfectly planted flowers seemed all too fake. A overly happy secretary greeted them instructing them to sit down. Carl explained Morgan, his social worker worked exclusively at the home and he gritted his teeth when he was pressured into a promise not to beat the shit out of the man who let Carl down.

“Carl!” Disbelief was written all over Morgan's face and they followed him to a quiet office. “I'm sorry.” It was the first words out of Morgan's mouth in seclusion and Carl shook his head angrily. “No my life is good, I'm not here to talk the past and make you feel better I just need to know where Judith's buried.” Morgan’s judgement greeted Negan and he scoffed. “Look man I don't know you and you don't know me. Carl's 18 and has had enough of a shit life. We just need to know.” Morgan turned his back and unlocked a filing cabinet pulling pit a folder, Carl leaned over the desk to see his name on it. “I kept it, in the back of my mind I thought you might come back. I am sorry for my part in it Carl and she was taken care of. Small towns do that, the county put their money together, she had a burial service and her plots kept up. I have you something.” Carl balled his fists in anger thinking of all the ones who probably sobbed a over a short life that they didn't even know.

It was a newspaper article about Judith and how the funeral came together, how big the turnout was in attendance. Negan stood to leave and Morgan stopped at the door. “Joe’s dead. He was arrested after you called 911 and they found drugs in his house. He was real dirty, got stabbed in prison, bleed out all alone and an officer found his body. I'm not sure if it was prison business gone bad or Judith's death. I tried to push for charges against Barbara but it all fell through, not enough evidence but she died a year later of an overdose.” Carl shook his head in relief. When he went for the door Morgan stopped him again. “I don't know if you want to know this but Shane's the town drunk. He lost his job and house, he lives in a small shack, begs for money. Skinny thing he is now, full of alcohol.” Carl nodded. “Good.” He stepped out then. “Carl I am sorry.” Morgan yelled after him. “I don't like you but it's not your fault!” Carl yelled back. It was the closest thing to forgiveness he could offer.

Negan held him close over the center console dividing them as Carl wept in agitation. It felt good knowing Joe, Barbara, and Shane didn't have it good after what they did but it was a lot to take in. When Judith took her last breath against his neck she was gone. It was nice knowing she had a service but did it matter? “Let's go.” Carl exhaled out. Negan grabbed the newspaper and typed in his GPS and he held Carl's hand as they drove on. It was a nicer cemetery, all bright white marble and trimmed grass, well kept. “My parents are buried here too.” Carl whispered. The cemetery keeper pointed them in the right direction and Negan was stunned to see Judith buried next to her parents. There were decent people his mind supplied. Good. He added to his thoughts. He was going to let Carl grieve more, on his own but he was pulled in closer and even as Carl's shoulders shook he thought he would be okay, Carl needed this and it was long overdue. 

It was as if time stood still on a continuous loop of Carl's sadness. Negan's fingers were sweaty and numb from Carl's aggressive squeezing but he didn't let go. Carl eventually unclenched his grasp, rubbing his entire arm down his wet face. “Okay I'm good.” Negan looked at the plots, pictures engraved on each tombstone. Rick was a looker, Negan may have went for that instead if time permitted. “Maybe you can make me a new pot of spaghetti once we make him home.” Carl said. Negan froze, he couldn't give Carl his childhood but he wasn't hurting in his cash flow. “I think we need to stay. Get some paperwork done and get them home with us.” Carl's looked at him confused. “What?” Negan couldn't put a price on Carl's happiness, his ability to be healed. Damn, is was going to cost an assload exhuming bodies and transporting them across state but Carl had a home with him and he was going to be able to grieve whenever and however he wanted. After all there was nothing Negan wouldn't do for Carl, even go into debt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So maybe exhuming bodies is disturbing instead of charming? IDK it just happened. If you have any cegan plot ideas leave a comment, if my muse bites I may write it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first cegan is done. I'm kinda sad but I'll be back.

Carl's long hair was being tugged on insistently, the beg for him to get up. “Daddy wake up.” Groaning at the pull once more he opened his eyes to one of the most beautiful children he ever saw. “Judith what are you doing?” His daughter leaned in whispering like it was a secret. “Papa said to let you sleep in but I want to play daddy.” Carl kissed her cheek then got up, carrying her to the he kitchen towards the smell of cooking bacon.

Negan stood there cooking the four of them breakfast. Sophia, Judith's twin sister sat at the table coloring with concentration, her tongue peeking out as she barely colored outside the lines, Carl knew she would be an artist. “Judith, you know it's daddy's day off. You're supposed to let him rest.” Their daughter crossed her arms stubbornly. “I wanted to play.” Negan held his spatula in hand fussing at her while Carl shook his head. Judith was free spirited like his dad was, like he was. Sophia was quiet and shy, happy in a corner playing a quiet game. They were fraternal twins and their personalities couldn't be more contrasting.

This was Carl's life now, the biggest worries being what Judith would get her hands into and being woke up too early in the morning. If you asked him eight years ago when he ran after a vengeful Negan intent on murdering Joe where he would be now he would never think here still with Negan. His husband was always kind but Carl never thought he could have nice things. His family's body being exhumed, a pact being made then for both him and Negan to get counseling helped paved the way.

Carl got his GED, passing his test on the first try. A criminal justice degree and some long trips to Georgia helped him see the good heart of his dad. Newspaper clippings, chatting with a King County native Carol who was rescued from her abusive husband thanks to his dad helped him re-evaluate the bitter anger he had at his dad starting a fight in a car. He wanted to be like his dad, a honest cop who saved people and was above a dirty payroll. Negan and him got married only three years into their relationship, though he wanted to finish his degree first he knew he could juggle marriage too.

Three years ago Negan brought up having children and damn it if five months later Carl responded to a drug overdose and found twins in a dirty house with a dead mother. They had a name attached to them labeling them worthless so it wasn't hard to to adopt them, Carl was angry at first that no one wanted the innocent babies but now saw that the stereotype helped form his family. The twins were young and Negan and him decided to rename them, Carl battled a moment if naming his daughter after his deceased sister was a good idea but a talk with his psychologist let him see he was honoring her.

Carl had healed so much going as far as visiting Shane, his childhood mentor was a shell of a man. He used to could get any woman, multiple ones in fact but he was hardened, the smell of alcohol seeping from his pores and rank on his breath. The shack he called a home full of empty liquor bottles and trash. Haggard and lost as he was Shane remembered him and fell to us knees begging for forgiveness, Carl contemplated denying it to him and he stood tall in a nasty house wondering if his parents death resulted in Shane's condition or if it just happened. The counseling and support Negan gave made him think hard and have insight, without Negan maybe he would have became this. He cried then, not at what he lost but what he gained and forgave Shane who collapsed in anguish. Carl never visited him again, let Shane know it too but he was forgiven. If he was putting all his ghosts behind him then Morgan deserved a visit too, they were good friends now. Morgan helped him and Negan with adoption paperwork and was a Godparent to his children, moved down the road from them not long ago.

Negan watched his husband stare at his children but drifted off in thoughts. Carl did that a lot and it had been years since there was pain or disturbance in those flashbacks. “Dinner time honey.” Negan's voice beckoned him home to where his life was a fairytale compared to what his imagination saw years ago. It wasn't always easy, Negan and him fought. His strong husband still broke down on anniversaries but he was stronger now that they had kids.

“Papa how did you and daddy meet?” Sophia asked wide eyed. It caught then off guard and Carl blushed, anxiety threatening the bloom but Negan looked at him like he always did, a treasure and not missing a beat laid his fork down. “He was outside freezing cold in a crowd of beautiful people but when I spotted him I knew he was the one for me so I took him somewhere to warm up and then I never let him go.” It was absurd but Negan stared at him as if it was the simple truth and Carl dug into his own plate knowing it was true, Negan saw him for what he really was since day one. “I didn't know how much he would change my life.” Carl added, Negan's eyes didn't leave him as they ate breakfast. Carl thought maybe his husband was falling in love again.

Carl moaned out at naptime when Negan pinned him to the wall and took him slowly, a rare treat being working parents but they did make sure they had time alone, never wanting to lose their spark. Negan's gray speckled through his hair, more so in his beard. Wrinkles crowning at his eyes and forehead but Carl found him better looking as he aged. “You saved me when I met you.” Carl said after kissing him tenderly. “No we saved each other and you going for being a cop, following Rick's footsteps made us get our kids. I'm proud of you telling me to shut up and let you make your own choices.” Carl grinned thinking back at the only time they almost broke up. Negan didn't want him to be a cop, the chance of losing Carl scary but when Carl actually walked out, adamant of his decision Negan realized the possibility of death was scarier than losing him then. Loving was a gamble but sometimes it paid off.

Negan held him tight, the time to nap short. Firm hands squeezed him in a loving embrace, kissing him softly, exhales hitting the back of his head. Carl looked at a framed family photo, restored thanks to Negan and looking new. He smiled, rarely did it hurt now to see it, reminisce on the good times. Carl did frown at the other photo, Enid. Maybe it was survivor’s guilt, he got out and she didn't. When their splurged treats started to come more from Carl's lucky days than hers he urged her to get out, Negan volunteered to help but she saw it as charity and refused. Carl knew she was already gone one day after college when she didn't show up for dinner. His friend was missing four months before she was found dumped naked in a abandoned building. She was buried in a ceremony, a family of prostitutes crying at her life but Carl liked to think she was somewhere at peace now, combing fingers through silky, dark hair.

“Nap time.” Negan purred, pulling him close. His hurt subsided when Negan pat his ass, running the tips of his fingers at the edge of his crack. “Or round two.” Negan kissed his neck. The only way to honor his friend was to have a damn good and happy life and that wasn't hard to do. “Round two.” Carl rasped and let out a pleased and quiet squeak when Negan turned him over and pinned him to the bed. “You will love me even when you start changing my diapers right?” Carl giggled at his dig at Negan's age, a add on during their vowel exchange that made the minister choke on air. “Yes, even then.” Carl said, pushing Negan's neck down to kiss him properly. Negan laughed at their inside joke every time but little did he know Carl was dead serious, he had been taken care of ever since and when Negan needed the favor returned he would do the same and do it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Enid was going to be happily ever after too but I felt this fic was sappy enough despite sad times. Real life sucks sometimes. Well a lot of times.


End file.
